The Farewell Checklist: Planning a Funeral that Honors a Life Well-Lived

Does it ever cross your mind how you would say goodbye?

Saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy. It's a journey filled with grief, heartache, and a profound sense of loss. The thought of planning a funeral or memorial service can be overwhelming, making the already difficult time heavier. But remember, you are not alone. It's okay to feel upset, to cry, to be angry, and to need time to process everything. Your loved one's life was a gift, and their memory deserves to be celebrated.

This compassionate and comprehensive guide is here to help you navigate the practicalities of saying goodbye and make the experience less frustrating. We will explore the different aspects of planning a funeral and delve into ways to personalize the experience, making it a true reflection of your loved one's unique spirit.

To begin, if your loved one shared any thoughts about their final arrangements, it’s an honor to prioritize these wishes when thinking of the factors to consider. This includes things like the type of service they envisioned, their preferred location of mourning, the music they wanted, or even their final resting place.

The legalities and paperworks

Begin with reaching out and contacting funeral homes or relevant authorities to understand the necessary paperwork, like death certificates and burial permits. These requirements can vary, so it's best to get clear guidance from funeral homes directors, lawyers specializing in estate laws or experienced family members or friends who have navigated this process before. Their expertise ensures legal requirements are met. 

Then, set a budget that reflects your needs and resources, taking into account the costs of the funeral home, cremation or burial, the memorial service, flowers, catering, and any other expenses. Doing so can help make narrowing down your options easier. 

Choosing a funeral home

Funeral cost is no joke. So, having someone help you research and compare options to find a service that feels right can lighten the burden. It is important to ask for help and support during this difficult time. Reach out to family, friends, or your community for recommendations. A good funeral home, for example, can be one with a reputation for compassion, professionalism, and the ability to create personalized services.

Scheduling a visit to discuss your needs and preferences with a funeral director can also help sort things out. They can guide you through the available options and help create a personalized service to further maximize your budget. Don't hesitate to ask questions and express your concerns because a good funeral director is understanding, supportive, and empathetic to make the experience more solemn.

Coffin and urn selections

Considering the deceased's preferences, religious beliefs, and your budget when choosing a coffin is a thoughtful gesture. There are many materials ranging from  wood, metal, and eco-friendly options. In addition, you can also find styles that reflect and fit their personality, may it be traditional or contemporary. Meanwhile, for cremation, selecting an urn can also be a way to honor their memory. With a wide array of choices, it could be traditional or personalized to reflect the personality or interests of the deceased to help make them feel closer.

Arranging the memorial service

Choosing a venue minding the general feel of the ceremony is another thing to take into account. Whether you prefer an intimate, dignified gathering or have a few more guests to come together, there’s bound to be one that suits your needs the most. Options may include churches, funeral homes, community centers, or even a special outdoor location to name a few. 

Besides, eulogies are an essential part of funerals. Selecting the right people to deliver readings that celebrate the life of the deceased is important. It is best to encourage family and friends to share memories and stories as a beautiful way to remember their personality, achievements, and impact on others, and most importantly, to celebrate their life. 

Music is another way to best honor the deceased by playing the music they’ve grown most fond of and can easily remind us of them. Incorporating photos, videos, or other visual elements with it can help create a lasting and reminiscent tribute. This can be a powerful way to bring their spirit to life and create a meaningful experience for attendees.

Flowers, wreaths, and other arrangements

Flowers have long been a staple in these ceremonies and have been a traditional way to express sympathy and love. While it may seem superficial, a casket spray, standing wreaths, or individual arrangements are good additions to the interment. There are many different types of flowers and arrangements available, so you can choose something that best captures what the deceased would have loved. If you prefer veering away from more traditional practices, you can explore alternatives such as planting memorial trees, making charitable donations, or creating personalized keepsakes. 

After the service

Having a reception or gathering can provide a space for loved ones and the grieving to connect, share memories, and offer support. This can be a comforting way to continue the celebration of their life and find solace in the company of the deceased through the people they celebrated their life with. While grieving can be difficult, it is good to acknowledge the support of friends and family. Offer your gratitude to those who helped with the arrangements and provided comfort during this difficult time, even if it takes you a few months down the line.

Beyond the practicalities, what truly matters to you when you plan a burial is the feeling of peace and closure it brings to your loved ones. Planning a funeral or memorial service is a deeply personal journey, whether it's for a loved one or for yourself. It's okay to take things one step at a time. Allow yourself the time and space you need to heal because the true measurement of celebrating a departed loved one’s memory isn’t found in extravagance or simple remembrance, but in the love that lies at every effort you and your family make to honor the deceased’s final wish. 

After all, a farewell that celebrates and honors the life and legacy of the person being remembered is not an overnight process.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve or say goodbye, as long as it reflects the love and respect you hold for the departed. It's a time to find comfort in the shared memories and a celebration of love that perseveres and surrounds you; because this can be a heartfelt way to remember their legacy and keep them close in our hearts.

Maria Alliah Jalimao is a Lifestyle writer of 4079 Magazine. She is a fourth-year Journalism student at PUP-Manila and currently a social media writer and intern for Inquirer.net.