The Ligaw Afterthought: The Dwindling Filipino Courtship Culture and the State of Dating on Today’s Generation

I have always been fascinated by the ligaw stories from the elders—the ever-enduring wait for letters to be delivered for each other, the flowers that are given and received, or the haranas sung in the melody of your neighbor’s acoustic guitar. The effort to show love and be loved all seems like a fairytale.

Over time, however, Filipinos began to rebel against this culture. Millennials and Gen Zs have long listened to these stories of how their fathers went to the extremes to court their mothers. Enough to realize that there are sides to it that are “toxic,” such as normalizing gender roles where women were expected to embody the demure and submissive image of Maria Clara, while men had  to be masculine and assertive.

The Flipside of a Prince and Princess Story

The drifting away from this culture by the bachelors and bachelorettes of today’s generation might also stem from the fact that their parents may have been products of failure of this courtship culture. 

A study by the U.P. Population Institute entitled Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study (2021) shows that one in three Filipino youth grew up without both parents. Eighteen percent of the population grew up with only their mothers while 4% grew up with just their fathers. Among the number of reasons for not being raised by both parents, marital separation is one of the largest (38%).

We all seek to be loved, it's human nature to crave affection. Therefore, hearing these stories of devotion makes anyone want to live in the same fairytale. But it is not those big moments that define what a good relationship is. Love is like a nice sweet treat, it’s the sugar we need to counter the bitterness of life. It indulges you with the rush of good feelings and emotions but, if you get too much of it, you risk being sick. 

The ligaw culture is extreme. All those romantic gestures demand a lot from the giver’s side. It's too much of a risk giving out all of these devotions. Spending time, money, sweat, and effort, none of which come without a price.

Love that is a product of too much sugar puts your life on hold, losing your head in the process. To sustain a relationship, you need a well balanced meal. You must be able to eat the rest of what’s on your plate before you can have that sweet treat at the end of your meal. You need to have time and effort for yourself. A healthy relationship should satisfy your craving for sugar after fulfilling the main course which is your responsibilities, ambitions, and your efforts for self-growth.

On Equal Footing: The Art of Splitting the Bill

Who should be the one responsible for paying for the first date? Traditionally, the man would cover the bill, reinforcing a romantic atmosphere while subtly signaling his ability to provide.

But date nights today have changed. We’re seeing women earning wages more than ever before. It’s a testament that society is willing to accept balanced roles between men and women. Women of today want to have themselves in the driver’s seat too. They too, can be the “breadwinner” of the relationship as well.

Jasmine Tugade, 19 (left), and Jenelle Peña, 20 (right), bought themselves flowers as a treat for themselves for passing their nursing exams on January 18, 2025

She can buy her own flowers now. She doesn’t need to wait for a partner to provide for her; she herself can be her own provider.

Therefore, splitting the bill on the first date nowadays is a great idea to test each other’s approach to finances. While this may feel awkward, I think having this conversation would eliminate expectations on the relationship moving forward. 

Having a relationship is still an economic proposition. So, don’t just ask them about their favorites, discuss your financial approach and each other’s hopes and dreams for the future. It’s the first key step in building a long-lasting, strong financial foundation for your relationship while allowing  it to start on an equal footing.

‘Hurt’ People Hurt People

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma perfectly captures the state of modern dating. It describes humans as hedgehogs during the winter who seek warmth in order to survive. If they stay away from each other, they will get cold, sick, or maybe even die. But if they stay close to each other, they’ll get hurt and be poked by each others’ spines.

Therefore, it begs the question: do you wanna stay warm or do you wanna stay safe? Do you wanna protect your heart or do you wanna enrich yourself? 

But this generation has a different answer to this question. Enter the situationship culture, where people choose casualness over commitment. It is a concept that gives a couple the entire romantic and sexual experience without the responsibilities of being in a relationship. 

The whole idea takes the pressure out of having to choose whether to be cold or be harmed in the Hedgehog's Dilemma. It solves the need for companionship and intimacy all while creating barriers that protects you from the risk of a commitment. 

The Siopao Theory

But, there is nothing wrong with showing devotion towards each other. It's only natural to want to make another person happy. It is just right to buy them roses as red as their fingernails, sing their favorite songs, get them drinks casually, cook their favorite dishes, or write them poetic handwritten letters. Whereas, it is also just right to be the receiver of these affections.

Do not forget that you are special. Like flies, people are entranced by the light you emit from within. When someone asks you out, you just have to know their intentions. The ligaw culture, when done right, enables that by getting a pinch of what they are as an individual. 

You get a bite of what they can have to offer. This bite gives you, in gaming terms, a “trial card” if you wish to continue having a commitment by actually buying out the item. You could view ligaw as the trial card, but you must not put a fake label into it. 

You wouldn’t want to buy an asado siopao only to bite into it and discover it’s actually bola-bola. If this siopao endorses itself as an asado, it should deliver on that promise.. So, if you like someone, walk up to them and say, “Hi I’m Asadong Siopao.”